Sunday mornings are one of my favorite times of the week. Getting to be here with all of you and catch up with you a little bit is one of my favorite things in the world.
It is unbelievable to be able to gather together each week to encourage each other and lift each other up, to walk through life together and share our needs and our joys and our struggles with each other.
I don’t think that there is a single week that goes by that someone here at this church doesn’t go out of their way to ask how I am doing and genuinely mean it.
Know what I’m talking about?
To ask how they can pray for me, and I believe that they are actually going home and praying for me, that they are actually concerned for me and care how I’m doing.
One of the things that I tell people on a nearly weekly basis when I talk about Mount Zion is that I genuinely believe that this is one of the easiest places in the world to make friends.
You know what I’m talking about?
I believe this is one of the easiest places in the world to meet people who actually care about you.
If I were new to Franklin County, or new to Wake County, or any of the surrounding areas, and I didn’t know anyone, and I was trying to build a life, I believe that Mount Zion Baptist Church would be one of the best places in the world that I could go to be immediately connected with a community of people who genuinely care about me and want to know me and support me as a person.
And I believe that so sincerely that almost exactly two years ago, I moved from my apartment in Wake Forest here to Louisburg and bought a house and set down permanent roots, because I wanted to be closer to these people here at Mount Zion.
That is genuinely the way I feel. That is actually how I feel about all of you.
And what that means is that I have essentially won the universal lottery on account of the fact that I get to be here with you week in and week out.
You know what I’m talking about?
Because of the fact that I get to do life with you people, with this group of friends here at Mount Zion Baptist Church, that means that I have one of the most important things in the world.
I have one of the greatest things that any human can ever experience.
Because the fact is that human life can be pretty much made or broken on the basis of friendship.
The course of your life and the quality of your life is, to a very significant extent, determined by the quality of your friendships.
You know what I’m talking about?
God’s word tells us that we need friendship, that we were created for friendship.
In Genesis two, at the very beginning of the story, God says that “It is not good for man to be alone,” and that’s true.
We were created for friendship, and as a result, genuine life-giving friendship causes us to flourish as humans, and isolation and friendlessness, causes us to wither.
Know what I’m talking about?
Genuine life-giving friendship causes us to flourish as humans, but isolation and friendlessness, causes us to wither.
Now, some of you are nodding along because you know exactly what I mean, and some of you are looking at me like I just told you the moon landing was faked.
Because for some of us in this room, what I just said makes absolutely no sense.
Because for so many of us here in this room this morning, almost all of our experiences of friendship have been negative.
Know what I’m talking about?
For a whole lot of us this morning, almost every experience we have had with friendship up to this point in our lives has been a negative one.
So many of us have been burned by friendships that ended in betrayal.
So many of us have been wounded by friendships that ended in abandonment.
So many of us still have the scars from times when people we thought were our friends have taken advantage of us.
So many of us struggle to trust new people because of all the times we’ve been lied to and manipulated by people we thought were our friends in the past.
So many of us are afraid of even trying to build serious relationships again, because we’ve always been passed over by others, ignored by others, neglected by others.
We’ve been treated like we weren’t worthy of friendship.
We’ve been treated like we were a burden by people who were supposedly our friends.
We’ve been made to feel like we didn’t really belong with them and like we won’t ever really belong anywhere.
Just out of curiosity, a quick show of hands: Have you ever experienced any of those things?
Keep your hand up if you’re still kind of raw about it.
Just this week, I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine who’s a pastor of another church, and he was talking about the fact that he just doesn’t really know who he can trust anymore, because he’s had a knife jammed into his back so many times. He’s been thrown under the bus so many times he’s had his trust and confidence broken, so many times he has been downright traumatized by other people, by other pastors, by people in his church.
And so without meaning to, he has this wall built up around him that makes it almost impossible for anybody to come in and truly know him.
A lot of us in this room have been traumatized in that exact same way, and that makes friendship really hard for us.
And if that’s you, I understand.
If that’s you, before anything else, I want to say that God sees you, and He knows what you have been through, and he knows how you are struggling, and he cares.
And I pray that the Lord will nurse those wounds that you’ve been dealt by fake friends through the years.
And I pray that he will comfort you in that struggle and that suffering that you are experiencing.
But I pray more than that.
I pray that He will heal you, because the truth is that God loves you too much to leave you in this state.
God loves you too much to leave you in this state where you are so burned and so wounded and so traumatized by failed friendships and betrayals from the past that you miss out on the good and glorious and beautiful gift of genuine friendship in the present.
God is not content for you to stay where you are. God wants to help you build a beautiful life that is filled with faithful friends who are there for you and are true to you.
And because that is true, we are not going to leave this here in pity party mode: “Oh, we’ve been so burned. “Oh, we’ve been so traumatized, we might as well give up.”
No.
Do not give up. Do not close yourself off. Do not build up your walls to keep the rest of the world out.
I pray this morning that the Lord will compel you to take the scary and frightening and sometimes painful and difficult and disappointing risk of opening your life and your heart up again so that you can find your tribe.
And I truly believe that you can find your tribe right here among people within this church.
And because that is true, we want to hit the reset button on friendship this morning.
We are continuing on in our new series through the book of Proverbs. We are diving deep into God’s everyday wisdom for our everyday lives—and as we trek further into the book of Proverbs this morning, what we’re going to do is we are going to mine God’s wisdom for friendship.
We are going to learn what friendship is and what friendship means and why friendship matters, and we are going to learn how to find worthwhile friends, and we’re going to learn how to be worthwhile friends so that we can live out God’s good design and desire for friendship together.
And what happens when we learn how to be genuine friends and find genuine friends is that God gets glory.
God is glorified when we build life giving friendships, God is glorified when we form friendships that encourage us and support us and sharpen us and make us better and wiser and help us flourish.
And so we’re gonna spend this morning learning how to do exactly that.
We are gonna spend this morning asking two questions and then allowing God’s wisdom in the Proverbs to answer them for us.
We want to ask the question, “How do I find real friends?”
And we want to ask the question, “How do I be a real friend.”
How do I find real friends? And how do I be a real friend?
And when we ask those questions to God’s Word, God’s word responds by laying out a roadmap for us.
And we are gonna work our way through that roadmap as quickly as possible this morning.
So I am just gonna dive straight in and get started.
Are you ready?
Here we go.
1. A True Friend Is Loyal
Proverbs tells us that a true friend is loyal.
I love Proverbs 20. It says:
“Many men claim to be men of unfailing love,
but who can find a faithful man?”—Proverbs 20:6, WEB
Everybody claims to be a true friend, but a true friend is actually a rare thing.
Everybody claims to be faithful, everybody claims to be loyal, everybody claims to be genuine, but most people really aren’t.
No. When you meet someone who is genuinely loyal, it’s kind of like meeting a unicorn.
But the Proverbs say that’s who you should seek and befriend.
When you meet those people who genuinely have your back, that’s a true friend. When you meet someone who genuinely wants what’s best for you, that’s a true friend. When you meet someone who genuinely pours themselves into helping you without asking for anything in return, that’s a true friend. When you meet someone who genuinely seems to care about you with no strings attached, that’s a true friend.
God’s Word says, “Seek out friends who are genuinely loyal.”
That’s number one.
2. A True Friend Sticks with You in Difficult Times
And that leads us directly to number two, because at exactly the same time, Proverbs says a true friend sticks with you in difficult times.
Right?
A true friend sticks with you in difficult times.
Ever met a person who was literally ride or die?
It’s insane, I keep seeing Facebook posts and stuff like that, where people take a selfie with their new boyfriend or girlfriend and they’re like, “this is my ride or die best friend,” and then, like, two or three months later, their relationship status is back to single.
And then a few months later, they’ve got a new significant other, and they post a new selfie, and they’re like this, “Right here is my partner for life. This is my ride or die partner,” and then a few months later, their relationship status is back to single.
And then a few months later, there’s a new one, and they’re talking about how this is their ride or die soulmate, and then a few months later, they are back to single.
And I’m like, “I don’t think you understand what this term actually means!”
No. Proverbs 17 says:
“A friend loves at all times;
and a brother is born for adversity.”—Proverbs 17:17, WEB
And Proverbs 18 says:
“A man of many companions may be ruined,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”—Proverbs 18:24, WEB
A true friend is someone who sticks with you when they have absolutely nothing to gain because you have absolutely nothing to give them—and frankly, being your friend and supporting you through this difficult time actually makes their life a little bit more difficult because of it.
Know what I’m talking about?
Like, you ever had to walk with somebody as they struggled with cancer or something like that?
Was that a good time for you? Did you feel great during that period?
No, it was draining, right?
Genuinely loving somebody is draining because it causes you to feel their pain. It causes you to hurt when they hurt. It causes you to struggle when they struggle.
And yet, that’s what genuine friendship is.
You love and support your friend through their struggle.
And when you meet someone who is like that, you need to invest in them.
That’s number two.
3. A True Friend Is Always Eager to Help You
Here comes number three: God’s Word says that a true friend is always eager to help you.
Once again: A true friend is always eager to help you.
I love Proverbs 27. It says:
“Don’t forsake your friend and your father’s friend,
and don’t go to your brother’s house in the day of your disaster.
Better is a neighbor who is near than a distant brother.”—Proverbs 27:10, WEB
It’s saying, “Pay attention to the people who want to help you.”
Pay attention to the people who see you struggling, and say, “How can I help?”
Pay attention to the people who see when you’re drowning, and instead of going and talking about you, come straight to you and reach their hand in to pull you out.
That person who finds out that you are struggling financially, and says “Here, I’ve got some extra money. Seems like you need it more than I do.” That’s a true friend.
A friend who sees that you need somewhere to stay because nobody can afford housing anymore, and says, “Hey, you can come stay with me for a while.” That’s a true friend.
A friend who sees that you’ve drifted into a really dark place psychologically, and so instead of just ignoring it and hoping it passes so they don’t have to deal with it, they come and say, “Hey, let’s get you some help.” That’s a true friend.
The guy who drives you to rehab is actually your friend. The guy who takes your kids to school because you have no other way to get them there with your work schedule and so forth, that’s actually your friend.
And the Proverbs say that’s who you need to seek out.
You need to populate your life with people who are eager to help you.
That’s number three.
4. A True Friend Wants to Make You Better
And number three leads directly to number four, because exactly the same time the Proverbs say a true friend wants to make you better.
We’re gonna start making you uncomfortable with this one: A true friend wants to make you better.
Proverbs 27 says:
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart;
so does earnest counsel from a man’s friend.”—Proverbs 27:9, WEB
And just a few verses later, it says:
“Iron sharpens iron;
so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance.”—Proverbs 27:17, WEB
Here’s something you may not be prepared to hear: That friend you have that is always getting you into trouble is not your friend.
That friend you have that is always pushing you to do something stupid is not your friend.
That person’s kind of fun to have around when you’re 14. That person is a nightmare to have in your life when you’re 30.
But God’s Word says that a true friend is someone who gives you good advice.
A true friend is someone who has good insight.
A true friend is someone who is a good influence on you.
It’s someone who can help you figure out the right path when you’re not sure what to do. It’s someone who can help you find clarity when you’re confused. It’s someone who can help point you in the right direction when you feel lost or adrift.
And this matters because you become the people you surround yourself with.
I know that sounds like something your mom would have said when she was nagging at you as a kid, but your mom was right about this one.
Give her some credit.
If you surround yourself by people who are constantly pulling you in the wrong direction, you are going to get pulled in the wrong direction by them.
But if you surround yourself by people who are wise, people you admire, people who can lead you in the right direction, people who are going to challenge you to be the person that you want to be, people who are going to push you and encourage you to live up to your goals and live up to your standards—those people are going to elevate you instead of dragging you down.
And because that is true, the Proverbs say seek out friends who want to make you better.
That’s number four.
5. A True Friend Will Confront You When You Are Wrong
And number four leads us directly to number five, because in line with all of this, the Proverbs says that a true friend will confront you when you are wrong.
You don’t like this one, I know.
But a true friend will confront you when you are wrong.
I love Proverbs 27:5–6. It says:
“Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
although the kisses of an enemy are profuse.”—Proverbs 27:5–6, WEB
We’re just dropping nonstop bombs this morning, but: People who just tell you what you want to hear are not your friends.
People who always flatter you are not your friends.
People who are afraid to ever challenge you are not your friends.
People who just watch you walk off the side of the cliff are not your freaking friends.
They don’t care about you.
Because if they really love you, when they see you going down a self destructive path, they would grab hold of you and pull you off the edge of the cliff, right?
If you want real friends that you can actually trust, then you have to befriend people who are willing to confront you when you are wrong.
You need friends who love you enough to tell you, “Dude, what you’re doing is crazy, what you’re doing is dumb. You are heading down a path that is going to lead to misery. This is going to ruin your life. You do not want to marry that person. You do not want to take that job. You do not want to open up that bottle and take another drink. You do not want to go down to that part of town and see that guy about that substance again.”
It reminds me of a quote by Oscar Wilde, the great author and artist.
He said:
“True friends stab you in the front instead of the back.”
—Oscar Wilde
That’s number five.
6. A True Friend Will Show Grace When You Mess Up
And number five leads directly to number six, because at exactly the same time, the flip side of all this is that a true friend will show grace when you mess up.
See where we’re going with this?
A true friend will show grace when you mess up.
Proverbs 17 says:
“He who covers an offense promotes love,
but he who repeats a matter separates best friends.”—Proverbs 17:9, WEB
A true friend is somebody who shows you mercy when you screw up—because you are gonna screw up.
Know what I’m talking about?
You are gonna mess up.
Here’s the thing: If you know anyone, long enough, eventually they’re gonna hurt you, and you’re gonna hurt them, right?
If you’re married to somebody long enough, eventually you’re going to hurt them and they’re going to hurt you.
If you’re friends with somebody long enough, eventually they’re going to hurt you and you’re going to hurt them.
This is an inescapable part of what it means to be a fallen and broken and sinful human.
Sometimes on accident and sometimes on purpose, we hurt each other, we fail, we screw up, we fall short.
And what happens so often, and what ends so many friendships, is that someone will screw up, they will make a mistake, they will do something stupid, they will hurt our feelings—and we will never talk to them again.
Right?
The reality is that cutoff culture has gotten way out of hand.
I know way too many people who have a one strike policy.
I have had so many conversations with so many people where they said, “I used to be friends with this person, but I don’t talk to them anymore.”
And I said, “Wow, what did they do?”
I assume they’re about to talk about some deep betrayal or something like that.
And they say, “I didn’t like the way she talked to me a couple weeks ago.”
I said, “… You’re ending a 22 year relationship because you don’t like the way she talked to you once?”
Anybody else been there before?
Maybe you’ve been the one who did the cutting off.
But so many of us have this graceless view of the world where there is no mercy and there is no forgiveness.
But the truth is that you cannot love a person you are unwilling to show grace to.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have boundaries. There’s absolutely a line, and if somebody crosses the line again and again with no repentance, then you absolutely should remove them from your presence.
But that is not what I’m talking about.
Because a true friend is someone who shows grace.
A true friend is someone who forgives.
You are going to screw up, you are going to make bad decisions, you are going to fail sometimes, you’re going to disappoint your friends, because a true friend wants the best for you, and that means they’re going to be disappointed in you when you go down the wrong path, and they are going to be hurt when you wrong them.
But a true friend is someone who shows grace when that happens.
And when you find someone like that, that’s who you need to give the best of yourself to.
Seek out friends who show grace when you mess up.
A Prayer for Genuine Friendship
And my prayer for every single one of you is that whatever state you may have walked in here in this morning, you will walk out of this Church in about an hour having opened yourself up to genuine friendship.
Life giving friendship.
I pray that the Lord will pour out His blessings on you by bringing friends into your life who are fiercely loyal to you, who will stick with you in difficult times—even when you have absolutely nothing to offer them, who will be eager to help you when you are in need and when you are struggling—even at great cost to themselves, and who will pour out their wisdom on you, who will give you good advice and counsel, who will seek to make you better and sharpen you and lead you in the right direction—even if that means sometimes they have to confront you when you are wrong, and who will show you a profound grace when you mess up and fall short and hurt them.
And I pray at exactly the same time that he will do all those things in you: That he will make you into that type of friend that you will become the loyal friend that someone else needs, that you will become that friend who sticks with others in difficult times, that you will become that friend who is always eager to help, that you will become that wise friend who gives good advice and makes your other friends better and lovingly confronts them when they are on the wrong path—but shows them grace when they mess up.
I pray that the Lord will create a culture of friendship here in this church that spills out into your life and transforms your family and makes our community into a safe place for hurting and struggling and lonely people to come and find the genuine life-giving friendship God created them for.
Mount Zion Baptist Church - Louisburg, NC 
Leave a comment